update: from JCs perspective

So be patient as you wait for the Lord’s return. Consider the farmers who patiently wait for the rains in the fall and the spring. They eagerly look for the valuable harvest to ripen. You, too, must be patient. Take courage, for the coming of the Lord is near. James 5: 7-8

It’s been quite some time since we’ve updated anything on this blog and that’s in large part to the lack of movement, but even more than that I’ve started to wonder if the lack of updates have come from our heart’s not being in the right place. This adoption experience has been interesting to say the least. We jumped in with both feet, experienced every emotion I could imagine. We hit the highest of high’s then were drug down to the lowest of low’s months after the suspension. At least we thought that was the lowest of lows. Recently, we have spent a lot of time talking about the future of the adoption, will it ever happen, should we change paths, what are God’s plans? Our approach and questions seem logical especially given all of our friends ask the same questions (and secretly they probably think we are crazy for as long as we’ve been going through this). I don’t blame them  because we’ve asked ourselves that same questions. I recently shared some thoughts on this with our Life Group about how this process has caused me to section off this part of my life because it’s too much to deal with when I need to function as an employee, father and  husband. If I’m not careful, I could let this consume every minute of my life. So now I wonder, if this is really something that can consume my life, how much am I really trusting that God has a plan? It bothers me to say that I haven’t been. I’ve been relying on my own strength/understanding/direction and I think I can say I’m done with that.

SO with all that said, we’re making a change. We believe that God has a plan to bring Vera home (and hopefully very soon). I’ll be traveling to the DRC for the first time to meet our daughter face to face. We believe God has a plan to use this trip as a means to start the process of getting her home. We aren’t sure how, we aren’t sure what will be accomplished, really we don’t know much, aside from that He has a plan and wants us to be obedient to his direction and patient with his timing.

As I travel over, we would be honored if you would pray for us. Pray for Tori’s sanity and safety while I’m gone. Pray that God could make his plans clear for me and that I could be obedient to follow regardless of the outcome.

taking action

Every year our church staff attends Catalyst, a conference for church leaders. From the opening session, I knew God was telling me something. I have chills now just thinking about it. And every session thereafter, God used each speaker to teach me something. I believe we all get something different from a message based upon what God has placed on our heart. And while I gained valuable leadership principles that apply to my job, I know God used that conference to open my eyes to an idea… a way that He wants to work through us in regards to the adoption. Taking steps forward, out of love & obedience, in order for God to move in a situation that seems impossible.

A few of the quotes from the conference that continue to inspire me:
…You have no idea what hangs in the balance of your decision to embrace the burden God has put on your heart. –Andy Stanley
…If we aren’t careful, we will be more in love with the idea of changing the world or following Jesus, than of actually changing the world or following Jesus. –Eugene Cho
…When your experience doesn’t align with your expectation, God is trying to reveal Himself to you. -Robert Madu
…You have to get going in order for God to show up. –Danielle Strickland
…God has not called us to a hard task. He’s called us to an impossible task that will require our obedience. –Rich Wilkerson Jr.
…Do whatever will make you remain in love. –Bob Goff

Wow. Just wow. It may mean nothing to you, but to me, it’s clearly God saying – Hey, you need to DO SOMETHING. So far with the adoption, we have not taken any action to make anything happen. Well, we’ve paid a bunch of money and completed a million forms (and are starting to do those forms a second time because they are expiring due to the length of time we’ve been in process). But we haven’t done anything outside of the norm. We’ve complained a lot and been frustrated with the government for the suspension.  We’ve DOUBTED God BIG TIME.  We’ve given up hope. We’ve prayed, but it’s been awhile since we’ve prayed the prayers where you believe with all your heart that God will do it (James 1:5-8). We felt like we needed to do something, but we didn’t know what to do and ultimately just felt like whatever we did wouldn’t make any difference.

Well, that's about to change, we are DOING SOMETHING. We are acting but really we are praying GOD will DO SOMETHING. JC is traveling to DRC to meet Vera. We are praying for doors of opportunity to be opened, and for God to bring Vera home.  This is one of those situations that will require God, well - every situation requires God, but with the adoption suspension currently in place, there is NO amount of human effort that will bring her home. It will only be God. And that’s what we are praying for. We are stepping out in faith, truly. The trip is not cheap. Honestly, it’s a lot of money we don’t have. But with God placing this on our heart, we are called to be obedient and He will take care of us.

Last month, our church went through the book of Nehemiah. This story was so timely for me.  Nehemiah’s heart broke and he took action. While he was an incredible leader and organizer, the wall was rebuilt in 52 days. God made it happen.  The note in my Bible for Nehemiah 4:14 says, “God is in the business of working through people to accomplish seemingly impossible tasks.” That has stuck with me. Right now, it seems impossible that JC will bring Vera home when he travels there, but God can do the impossible. Take a look back through the stories of all the miracles Jesus performed. It is his J.O.B to do the impossible in order to bring glory to His name.

So we are trusting. We are believing. We are praying – “Ask using my name and you will receive. And you will have abundant joy.” (John 16:24)

Please pray with us. Specifically, pray for:
-God to do the impossible!
-Doors of opportunity to be opened
-Favor with the government, officials, and other contacts
-Our heart to be broken like Nehemiah’s, and that it would help JC continue to take steps forward even if doors don’t seem to be opening
-Safety in travels
-Vera’s heart to be prepared, that she would automatically trust JC
-JC and Vera’s bonding & relationship
-God's armor to be with JC (we've heard the area is very dark spiritually, and anytime you are doing the Lord's work, the enemy will try to prevent it)
-Wisdom in all of JCs encounters

Lately, I have been overwhelmed by the encouragement God has given me through His word.  I read something yesterday and it really sums everything up:
“The prizes of life are at the end of each journey, not near the beginning; and it is not given to me to know how many steps are necessary in order to reach my goal. Failure I may still encounter at the thousandth step, yet success hides behind the next bend in the road. Never will I know how close it lies unless I turn the corner. I will build my castle one brick at a time, for I know that small attempts repeated will complete any undertaking.”  -from "The Greatest Secret in the World"

happy 3rd birthday

Yesterday was Vera's 3rd birthday. We had cupcakes & sang happy birthday to our sweet girl who is supposed to be home by now. Last year on her second birthday, we had cupcakes (strawberry, of course), sang, & said "she'll be home by her 3rd birthday, surely". Yeah. Nope.

We haven't shared any updates on the adoption lately because there aren't any positive updates. It's discouraging & honestly, something I choose not to think too much about because it's so frustrating. In DRC, exit letters are still suspended which means, she can't leave the country until things reopen. Unfortunately, her case is still in the investigation process by the Embassy, so even if the exit letters were reopened, she wouldn't be ready to leave anyway. Right now, they are looking for the "child finder" (aka the person who found & reported her as abandoned). Our lawyer has located him, and now it's up to the Embassy to decide how they want to proceed (interview him, statement, etc). We've been at this step of the process for about 3 months already.

We're sending some forms over with a family who is traveling soon. And we're told we can go ahead & get a passport for her. In the meantime, we just continue to wait.

It's all a mess. We continue to pray that God would make a way through all the political mess. It seems impossible. But God is teaching me that He is in control of all things, including the impossible.

A couple weeks ago, I had a dream that I came home from work & some of my family were there on our beautiful wrap around porch. And Vera was there!! I got out of the car & said, "oh my gosh - how did Vera get here????" My mom said, "she was on the porch when we got here. She was shipped here in a container." Um, okay. I was so excited but all I could think was how she was here illegally (in my dream, I remember saying "this is against the law!") & that we hadn't finished the paperwork yet... And that she didn't arrive the way I thought she would.

I shared the dream with a friend & God totally used her to reveal the reason He gave me that dream. She said - God is reminding you that He is in control of how Vera gets here. If he wants to send her over in a container, He can! It was such a fresh perspective that I hadn't even seen. She's right - God has the power to get her home when it's time, His time... And His way.

So, happy 3rd birthday Vera. We look forward to celebrating your 4th birthday with you. You'll be home by then... Surely.

We love you!

(In other news, we all of a sudden have a baby who grabs everything. Um, he grew overnight. Wasn't he just born?! So, to keep everyone safe, we didn't light the candles like we did last year, pre-baby. And, unlike last year, I didn't bother to look at my hair before the picture. Nor, did I think about putting clothes on my naked baby. Nor, did I stress about getting a picture that was actually good. I guess this is motherhood...)

a Father's love

Finally an update on this blog.... Extremely well written by JC. I am so incredibly thankful to walk (albeit slowly) through this adoption process with him.

In September, we found out that the DGM (the body responsible for all entry and exits in the Congo) had issued a statement that all exit letters for adoptees were going to be suspended for 12 months. The caveat to that was a group of individuals whose case had already reached a certain point in the process in which they would get grandfathered in. Unfortunately, we are not far enough along in the process to be part of the grandfathering. We spoke with our agency and they did not (and I believe still do not) think that the suspension will last for a full 12 months. However, today there was a conference call in which the US government mentioned they believed the suspension could last for every bit of 12 months and potentially longer.

When Tori first told me about the call, my first thought (and unfortunately exact words) was how could they “extort” us like that. I mean we’ve financially gone through the entire process, we have passed our first court case in the Congo (which in my terms means we are legally her guardians in that country). The US has most of our documentation which is the near final step. So how could they do this to us? She’s our daughter and she belongs here!

Today, was my first experience to truly understand a fathers love. You wouldn’t think (at least I didn’t) that going through this process, you would get emotionally connected to a child that you’ve never touched, talked with, or held but I was wrong. For those of you that have children, imagine the idea of sending your child to live anywhere else but with you and not knowing when you would get the next chance to hug them or tuck them in or anything a father would do with their child. It simply hurts. And knowing that there is literally nothing you can do makes it even worse.

After my rush of emotions and tears, I started to realize that feeling is the same way God feels about us. I’ve heard that for years but today, experiencing it, has opened my eyes to a different level of love that I feel for Vera. I realized that there is something we can do, the only thing we can do, which is Pray. There is a real chance it could be years before Vera is home, but God committed us to this path. Tori and I are focused on God’s plan for our lives and our children so we will commit this situation to his direction. We would like to ask that you join us in prayer. Not just to bring Vera home, but all of the other orphaned children all over the world. That God would make a way to break chains of bureaucracy and red tape and anything else that could get in the way of his purpose for all of us.

clarified next steps

We received some detail from our agency yesterday regarding the next steps.  I wanted to document so I can look back on it & remind myself about the process.  The process is so detailed, with so many pieces and people involved, that it's hard for a regular person/not familiar at all with this process to keep up with!

...Once we receive the judgment in English, we can apply for the i600 (the i600 classifies Vera as an immediate relative). This should happen this week.

...When the i600 is approved, it is logged at the Embassy and the 3-6 month investigation begins.

...When the investigation is complete, the Embassy will email us with her Embassy appointment.

...Meanwhile, Vera will have a medical exam and get her passport.

...At the Embassy appointment, they’ll review her paperwork , issue her Visa, and then give us the okay to travel!

court = complete!

Last week, we were notified that we should have our first court date in a few weeks.  The court Social Worker had just completed the required court investigation on Vera & her abandonment story.  With that complete on 8/13/13, we move forward with a court date with our lawyer attending on our behalf. 

Well….. We heard yesterday that Vera’s court case was approved on 8/28/13!!!  So according to the DRC government, this means we officially have a daughter in DRC!  We thought we had two court dates, but we got clarification today and we only have one – this one!  Awesome!

Now that our court case is approved, we can apply for our i600 through the US Department of Homeland Security.  I can’t keep up but I’m pretty sure this form approves Vera to come to the US J Once that’s approved, our case will go to the US Embassy in Congo and they’ll do another investigation, which is taking about 3 months right now.  The investigation was just added to the process in January, and in my eyes, it is the last big hurdle to get through.  After this is complete, we begin the Visa process & begin planning travel to DRC!  My vision is that we’ll finish the investigation and then start planning travel to Congo within the following couple of months!  I keep feeling that we (we = us + infant…..) will be traveling in February/March…. So we’ll see what God has planned!

God knew what He was doing to give us Ivan as we went through this process!  Following a pregnancy has helped us not be so consumed with the long process & wait to bring our daughter home.  Not to mention, it helps to know He is in control of all the timing… especially in light of adding two children to our family & how all that will play out.

We would love for your prayers for the next step in the process.  We just ask for His provision & favor over the details of the investigation, protection & preparation for Vera as her heart begins to make the transition to her forever family, and that God would provide in all sorts of ways – financially is the biggest burden on our heart.  We have several fees coming up that we have to take care of, as well as a monthly fee for Vera’s foster mom to help cover the cost.  We know God will provide, as He has from the beginning.  JC recently transitioned jobs (SO proud of him) so we just ask for prayer for direction, purpose, and peace.  There’s quite a bit going on right now! 

And throwing in a little update on Ivan… he is 27 weeks! The 3^rd trimester is right around the corner and I have a feeling that life will become quite busy this fall.  Still so thankful for a smooth pregnancy!

water to my soul

We started the day on cloud 9 after receiving an email from the most thoughtful & caring family.  We got connected to this family through our agency as their twin girls are in the same foster care home as our sweet Vera.  Since they were traveling much sooner than we are (they're there now), we connected with them to follow their journey and stay in contact since all of our girls have been together for a significant part of their life.  This family has already been such a blessing to us.  They have such a heart for The Lord, for people, and even for Vera.  I’m so thankful The Lord brought them into our life. 

So, this morning we received an email from this precious family with a video that left me in tears, full of goose bumps, and just so so thankful.  It showed Vera playing with one of their girls and picking up a toy that led to the most precious smile we’ve seen yet.  Just pure joy.  With the pictures we’ve received so far (which have been plenty), she hasn’t smiled much.  I’m sure there are various reasons for that but she’s two, it’s hard to get any two year old to smile on command.  We’ve watched the video about a million times and just can’t get enough.  I’ve been anxious to see her in “motion” to see what she’s doing and how she interacts.  So thankful we got to see that.

They also sent some pictures of Vera with her “first family” – her foster care mama with mama’s two older girls, as well as the twins our friends are there for now.  The foster mama has been explained to us as extremely caring and loving, and that just makes me so happy, relieved, and thankful that Vera is in a loving home during this important stage of her life.  I know it will be difficult for Vera to leave when it comes that time as this is probably the only “family” she knows.  They shared some sweet information about Vera & her personality:

-32 inches tall & wearing a 2T

-Pretty teeth

-Holds tight to her foster mama and stays close

-Very, very sweet

-Very kind

-Likes to play

-Loved playing with the twins & lit up when she saw them again

-She knows she’s going to be a big sister!

-Loves friends

-In wonderful hands with her foster mama

Today was just water to my soul. My heart is now so full and so happy.  The video, pictures, and information were an answer to prayer.  I’m so thankful for this journey, even though it is long and crazy, and so thankful Vera is being cared for in a loving environment.  On the other hand, seeing pictures and videos just make us so anxious.  We want it to happen now… or we want to just go visit her now! But we have made the personal choice that seeing her before we visit to bring her home is not the best for her or for us.  We feel it would be too much for her to understand and too heartbreaking for us to leave her.  We did, however, look at airline tickets today (JC did)… but I don’t think we’ll take it further than that unless something changes in our heart.

Unfortunately, right now we’re choosing not to share pictures publicly of Vera.  This just protects her as we continue through this tough process.  We will share as we get a little further along.  But just like any mama, I’m more than happy to share personally via email or text.  Just ask :)

2nd birthday & progress!

On June 25, we received news from our agency that Vera’s birth certificate was issued!  Aside from it being great news because it’s a milestone in the process to bring her home, we now know her birthday… A day we’ll always celebrate!  With her being orphaned and not knowing family or even her real name, it’s impossible to know her real birth date.  Even if they did know her parents, it’s not guaranteed they would know her birth date… as we learned during our mission trip in Kenya, birthdays are definitely not as much of a celebration.  Many of the children in the school we visited in Kenya couldn’t tell you what day they were born – many had no clue when their birthday was.  Aside from that, it’s very uncommon for children in DRC to be issued a birth certificate when they are born.  So part of the adoption process is to get a “new” birth certificate issued.  We were able to request when we wanted her birth date to be, but they don’t guarantee they’ll actually honor your request.  They didn’t honor our request but that’s okay, because God knows best.  Vera’s new/official/the only one she’ll ever know birth date is June 25, 2011… which makes her TWO YEARS OLD!!!  We have a two year old?! Time for a celebration!  It hurt our hearts to think about not being with our sweet girl on her birthday but the reality is, she has no idea it was her birthday.  Hopefully this is the last year we’ll have to spend apart on her birthday.  JC and I celebrated at home with cupcakes, singing, and thinking about the memories we’ll make with Vera when she comes home.

With the birth certificate received, we can apply for court on Wednesday, July 10!  Progress!  It typically takes a couple of weeks to get a court date and then after we get through the first court date, we can apply for our i600 (probably means nothing to you, and we’re still trying to understand what everything means too)!  Basically… good news!  After the i600 is approved, they’ll begin the 3-6 month investigation process, now required for all DRC adoptions to prevent any unethical situations. 

We’re so grateful to hear of this progress with Vera.  Since February, we’ve been making progress but it’s been more the steps to get us to where we are now – where we are working with the DRC government & US Embassy to bring our girl home!  With each step, you can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel which is us making the long flight to DRC to meet Vera and making the long flight back to her forever home!  Oh how I just dream about that day.

slight change of plans

If you’ve read the two previous posts (here & here), you've probably seen that we proceeded with adoption because we truly felt it was God’s plan for us.  We still feel this to be true.  However, we felt that we would continue the adoption process as just a family of two and we’d have a biological child “later".  Well, God clearly had a different plan! 

In late-March, we learned that we were expecting.  Surprise!!! And…. huge freak-out moment.   Thankfully, DRC or our agency do not require you to put the adoption process on hold if you become pregnant during the process.  So we continue with the process to bring Vera home trusting that God is sovereign and doesn’t give us more than we can handle!  In a few months, we should  have a better idea of timing for when Vera may be ready to come home.  Right now, the process for Vera is going smooth and we are just working our way through the steps (birth certificate, courts, investigations, etc).  And the process for Baby Selph is going smooth as well –for the most part feeling great & am already 17 weeks along!

our little girl

With this undeniable call to adopt, we started researching the process and the place.  We knew it would be Africa.  We’ve always had a heart for Africa and especially after our trip in 2012, couldn’t imagine having the opportunity to adopt there and not doing it.  Based on our research and where we felt we were being led, we decided to adopt from Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC).

source

We started working with Adoptions International, Inc. in February and very early in the process received an email about one-year old twins available for adoption.  At that point, we hadn’t even finished our application for our agency so we didn’t feel it was time to move forward with the opportunity.  This was also the same week that JCs Dad passed away from his long battle with cancer so we just didn’t feel ready to make such a big decision.  A couple weeks later, we met with the representative from our agency to turn in our application & discuss next steps.  We were sitting at Starbucks and she explained a situation with a little girl previously matched to a family that didn’t work out, and they were back on the search to find this little girl a forever home.  She showed us a picture and we just knew God had picked her to be our little girl.  We had been praying over who would join our family and not that we would, but it didn’t feel right to say anything different than “yes, we‘d love her to join our family”.  Her name was “Veronique” and my precious sister’s name is Dominique and nicknamed “Nique”.  This wasn’t just coincidence!  So on March 8, 2013 in a Starbucks in McKinney, Texas – we started the process to bring a little girl home from DRC!

The name “Veronique” was given to her in the orphanage when she was brought there in October, 2012.  We wanted to change her name slightly, so of course we immediately started thinking of names that would keep some of her culture.  And like any normal girl would do, I started doodling the name we couldn’t get out of our head…

We have since changed her name to “Vera Nique Selph” (although not official yet).  And although I’m not sure how names get their meaning (as it seems like several names all have the same meaning), Vera means “faith”.  Again, not just a coincidence. I can’t imagine going through the adoption process without faith that our Heavenly Father is in control of every step, and is already preparing Vera’s heart for the plans He has for her.

Here are some things we’re praying for Vera.  We’d love for you to join us!

God would ignite a fire in her little heart – give her hope & start to develop her love for her Heavenly Father...

“When I think of all this {God’s plan}, my response is to get down on my knees before the father.  I ask him to strengthen you as you open the door and invite him in.  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in Him.  Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.” (Ephesians 3:14-18)

Give her His armor...

“Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.” (Ephesians 6:11)

Guide her path...

“I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you.” (Psalm 32:8)

heart to adopt

We’ve always shared a heart for adoption.  We just thought it would be later in life – you know, when life is “all together” and we are rich and could afford to basically buy a nice car (the price of adoption) outright in just a matter of months. It was a dream but never seemed like a reality. 

When we returned from Kenya in October, we both knew God was doing a work on our hearts but couldn’t explain it.  We knew it would be revealed to us overtime and we just prayed we wouldn’t “miss it” as we got back into the routine of life.  In November, we started talking more seriously about starting a family.  We felt we were sort of “playing God” by preventing things from happening and decided to put it in God’s hands.  At the beginning of the year, our friends started the adoption process in Ethopia and we started talking to them about their journey.  God definitely used Candace & Justin to make adoption seem realistic and more than anything, reminded us of something that always snatches my heart.  When we get to the end of our life journey & are standing before God, we just want to hear “well done my good & faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21).  Whatever it takes, that’s all my heart desires.  This was when God started to reveal His plan for us to adopt now, not later, and started to show us in more ways than one that this is what He had planned for us.  During this season, we were in the middle of an all-church study on Purpose Driven Life and everything I read was so convicting towards adoption.  This quote captured me the most - “Delayed obedience is disobedience”.  Wow.  We were also in a season of being incredibly blessed financially and felt there is no way God would entrust us with that amount of money if He didn’t have a plan for us to use it to glorify His name.  So after talking to Candace & Justin one night, JC said “so, have we made our decision – are we adopting?”.  Immediate fear consumed me. How could we? Is this really God’s plan?  Can we really afford this?  Are we really fit to be adoptive parents? The doubt consumed me.  Amidst the fear and doubt, there was a calming clarity.  Yes, this is what we were supposed to be doing.  The fear is coming from the enemy.  It’s the enemy’s job to try to stop us from doing God’s will and glorifying His kingdom. 

We’ve given everything to The Lord and are trusting Him to guide us through this process.  We feel so incredibly blessed to have been given this opportunity & responsibility.  He is using us as part of His plan for our adoptive child.  How awesome is that.

Throughout our journey thus far, I’ve been keeping a journal of the scriptures/songs/quotes that stick out and remind me of this calling that’s been placed on our hearts:

“What God the Father considers to be pure & genuine religion is this: to take care of orphans and widows in their suffering and to keep oneself from being corrupted by the world.” (James 1:27 GNT)

“Watch what God does & then you do it.” (Ephesians 5:1 MSG)

“Carefully determine what pleases the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:10)

We will be evaluated as to the genuineness of our faith on the basis of our reaction to: “I tell you the truth, when you did it to the least of these my brothers & sisters, you were doing it to me.” (Matthew 25:31-46)

“Jesus came to sign our adoption papers & welcome us into the family of God.  ‘But all who believed in Him and accepted Him, he gave the right to become children of God’.”  (Commentary from Adopted for Life & scripture from John 1:12)

“Following Christ is not about living a lavish kings life, but it’s about being willing to let Christ guide your life, no matter the result.” (Commentary from Adopted for Life, scripture reference-Mark 8:34-37)